Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
