A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
