she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
