He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
