I'm going to jail i love you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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