how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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