Screwed.edu
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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