i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
