Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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