she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
