Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
