...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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