i always forget guys have bellybuttons
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
