How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
