Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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