Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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