I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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