My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
