I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
