We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
3 2 1 whiskey
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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