please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
