i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
