I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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