I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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