you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
