just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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