eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
