I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
