he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
