Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
