my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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