oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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