EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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