I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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