I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
