She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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