Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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