i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
