Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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