Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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