Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
