don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
