Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
