My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
