she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
