I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
