fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
