Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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