My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
