while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
