i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
