Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
