there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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