The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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