currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
